Moved!

So I did it! I found the motivation and strength from somewhere and we are officially moved! It was a long hard emotionally draining process, that I don't want to ever repeat without my husband again! I would have never made it through this move without the help and support from my parents and siblings! I have an awesome family that I will miss soo much! But I know this is where we are supposed to be! I don't know why we are here, but I learned long ago to never question why The Lord wants you to do something, he has his reasons, just do it and you will find out along the way! So I am here, and I have no idea what direction I need to go with my life now! I am jobless , and tomorrow Hannah starts school here! So I am once again searching for meaning and purpose in my day to day life, and hoping to find it soon! There is only so much I can do in a small apartment in Nebraska! So I am on the hunt! I am praying to find my place and purpose in life before I go crazy! But I guess searching is half the fun!!! Just ever so grateful to be together with my amazing husband once again!

My better half.......

So I should be sleeping, but sleep evades me as my mind won't stop!
Collins left for Nebraska today, I was told the first few days of him being gone would be easiest because it would be like he was only gone a little while, but if this first day is what you call easy, I am throwing in the towel and giving up now. Hannah has never not had her dad at home at night to tell her good night, and he is always there to wake her up in the mornings, it was rough saying goodbye, this will be the toughest month of our marriage yet.
And i never thought about it before, but having him here makes me feel so safe, and so I feel kinda vulnerable with him gone.
You never realize how much you depend on and count on some one till they are not there.
He is my partner, the other half of our team, and it stinks not having him here.
Now if I could only sleep without searching for him in the bed we will be good!
I love my husband and I am grateful for this new job, I am grateful for his sense of adventure, and for him pushing me out of my comfort zone. Just wishing he were here tonight!

Life isn't fair!

"That isn't fair", those where the first words out of my 7 year old's mouth this morning when i told her that one of our dear friends had lost one of her triplets that she is 20 weeks pregnant with.
  I think she voiced what i wanted to say but didn't. So i suggested we kneel and say a prayer for our friend and her husband and 2 other babies, and as we said the prayer, with tears running down both our cheeks, we asked heavenly father to comfort our friends, and to help them get through this.
  After our prayer, i had the opportunity to explain to my daughter that Heavenly Father does things for a reason, and we may never know the reason, but he does, and that is all that matters.
   And then she said, at least we know he is in heaven with his sister, but why do they have to die?
 it turned into a very sweet conversation about how everyone needs a body, and maybe our friends babies where so special that all they needed where bodies and once they got their bodies heavenly father took them home to live with him.  And then she asked, why did our friends have to lose 2 babies? and i told her i am not exactly sure, but Heavenly Father obliviously has a lot of trust in these individuals to give them the opportunity to be parents to 4 of his very special children.  At this point she had stopped crying, and she gave me a hug, and said I love you mommy!
  I am so incredibly sad for my friends, i have no idea what it feels like to lose a child, this is their 2nd in a year and a half, but i know they have taught me so much by watching them go through these incredibly hard trials.  They are amazing individuals, and i have witnessed their great faith and trust in our Heavenly Father and his plan.   I hope and pray that i never have to experience what they have, but if i do, i want to be just like them.  I want the faith of Job. when I grow up I want to be just like them!!!!   And as my 7 year old stated"it isn't fair" but i have come to learn that Life isn't fair, but it is worth every moment of joy or sadness, because everything we go through, "will give thee experience, and  shall be for thy good".   

They finally bloomed!

Three years ago I had the privilege of helping a sister in our ward do some yard work, she was battling cancer and couldn't do it herself. so we were weeding and mowing and cleaning up limbs. And she had a ton of iris's that kept multiplying till they were out of control. So she told me to take some home and plant them!
So i dug up four little small ones and put them in the truck and forgot about them for a week! when i remembered them i hurriedly planted them in the front flower bed and hoped they lived! I watered them occasionally, and when i fertilized the other plants i gave them what was left.
The first summer they grew a little, just six inch green shoots, they added greenery to my flower bed so i didn't worry about them much.
The next summer they grew a little more, maybe a foot tall, i was wondering when they would flower, i was concerned that i had done something wrong, but i was assured that i just needed to wait. I was anxious to see their beautiful flowers, but even more anxious when the beautiful lady that gave them to me, passed away due to her cancer.
This spring the green shoots got much taller, and they where wide and they had multiplied, i had contented myself with the fact that maybe they would never get flowers, but i was going to leave them there because i liked the green leaves of the plants, and they reminded me of sister Waters, and the simple beauty she brought into the lives of many people!
Well today my iris's bloomed! Three years of waiting, and just when i have given up, they bloomed! And they are beautiful white blossoms!
These flowers remind me, as do all things in my life, the same message, Patience! I have a quote on my wall that says "Faith in God includes, Faith in his timing" I live my life by this quote! and as i saw the blooms on my flowers that i had almost given up on i, was reminded that good things come to those who patiently wait! Thank you Sister Waters for the beautiful flowers that remind me of you and gods love!

Take time to watch the sun rise!

Today was has been one of those days where you wish you had never gotten out of bed! and it is only 9:30 in the morning!
Collins got a flat tire on the way to work and he discovered he didn't have his jack, so hannah and i had to hurry and get dressed and run him his jack, but the spare tire wouldn't fit on the flat tire so we had to move a tire from the front to the back and then put the spare on the front. So that done we get in the car to hurry back home and finish getting hannah ready for school cause we are running really late!
But then as Collins goes to leave his truck won't start, so we pull around to jump it, and finally it starts. By this time we are both a little frazzeled, and I have 15 min to get home get hannah ready and get her to school, and of course she is not seeing the urgency of any of this, so she is taking her own sweet time and i am getting more frusterated by the min, so we finally get in the car and I turn to her and say,"hannah please hurry and get your seat belt on." and she looks at me and says, " Mom did you see how pretty the sunrise was when you and Dad were changing the tire?"
And at that moment it all came into perspective, i just sat there looking at her and thought, thank you! thank you for helping me realize that there is so much to be thankful for and so much beauty around us, I was to busy being frazzeled, and to focused on what was going wrong, i failed to notice the small simple beauties of life, I failed to notice the sun rising on this beautiful day, but my heavenly father has blessed me with a precious gift, Hannah is here to remind me of the beauty we can find in every moment of every day! She reminds me to stop and look at all the good instead of focusing on the bad! I am reminded of the quote, Come what may and love it!!!
So tommorrow, I think Hannah and I are going to sit on the porch swing and watch the sunrise! No matter how late we are!

Faith can move mountains.

I was reading in the scriptures today and i was drawn to a certain passage that I read , It said, "if god had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that i should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth, and if i should say it, it would be done."
That takes amazing faith.

Faith, it is a subject that has been at the forefront of my mind all week, and as i read this scripture, it all came together.
So I will rewind and tell you what brought this subject to my mind.

Sunday was stake conference, where all the many congregations in our area get together as one and have sunday meetings together and our local and area leaders teach us and instruct us! it happens every six months and it is fabulous.
This particular sunday we had my husbands sisters with us, and as we came into the building they were informed that a young couple in their congregation, had lost their three year old little boy that night to a seizure.
I didn't know this couple, i just knew of them. this was there only child so far and she was expecting another one, it was very sad and i felt very sorry for this couple, I don't know what that is like to lose a child and I hope i never have to find out, but i can only imagine the pain and heartache that would cause.
But as we were sitting there, waiting for the meeting to start, in walks this couple, and I was amazed, they had just lost a child, not even 24 hours before. they had every reason and excuse to not be there. no one expected it, no one even imagined that they would be there. But they were. and that spoke volumes to me, as i am sure it did to any one else who knew.
I watched them and I saw their faith, and their dedication, and it moved me to tears. They had just experienced something so traumatic and devestating, but they knew where they could find comfort and how they could find it, and that was being where the lord wanted them to be.
That day I felt so humbled to watch them, that took faith, that kind of faith i want the kind of faith, that job had, as I sat there i felt they were affirming the words of job, "The Lord giveth and the lord taketh, blessed be the name of the lord."
And it humbled me and made me feel ashamed that I didn't have that kind of faith.
They had the kind of faith that moves mountains, not literal mountains, but the mountains we place in our hearts and in our own lives.
That day their faith moved one of my mountains, and someday I want to have that kind of faith, so maybe i can help someone else move their mountain.

Stolen Resolutions

It is the new year and time for everyone to make new years resolutions.
I think mine have all been the same for the past five years, and I have come to realize that their are somethings that you can make as a resolution, and you can make happen, but their are other things that, no matter how hard you try for them, they are out of your control.
So this year no resolutions that I personally have no control over!
In fact, I have stolen some new years resolutions from friends! I hope they don't mind, but they were just too good to pass up!
My number one new years resolution is to develop a better relationship with my Heavenly Father, and my savior Jesus Christ. And the steps I need to take in order to achieve this resolution include, cutting down on other distractions in my life, like Facebook, and games on my phone. I will not totally ban myself but I have resolved that I cannot do either till i have picked up my scriptures and read them.
In church we were challenged to find five things we could do or change to have a better relationship with our savior, and so I am taking that challenge!
#1 I will more diligently read and ponder my scriptures.
#2 I will pray with more meaning and frequency.
#3 I will give service without judgement or question.
#4 I will be a better Visiting teacher
#5 I will make sure all I watch say or do is appropriate and conducive to having the spirit with me at all times.

My next new years resolution is to live in the moment, I have spent the last five years living either in the past or the future and in the mean time, I have missed the whole in between! I have been so focused on what I want or don't have that I have missed many wonderful opportunities of the here and now. So that is my second resolution.
But like all good things they always come in threes! so my third New Years resolution, is to learn to love me! I am forever striving to lose weight and get in shape, and I will always continue on this quest, but I am not making it my resolution. My resolution is to love me, as me, for me and because of me! I want to be comfortable with who I am, and I always thought and still do, if only I can be skinnier I will like myself, if only this or if only that. But what if "if only" never happens, then I will have let my whole life pass by without being all I truly could have been! This does not in any way shape or form mean I am giving up on anything, it just means I have decided to be happy with me wherever I am at the moment! happiness is the key to life. And God made me who I am and he loves me so why can't I love me? I Will Love me and be happy with me, for me and not because or for those around me! I know that my husband loves me for me, and I know my heavenly father loves me for me, so i will love me for me, and I know that this will be my hardest new years resolution, so bring it on! I am really stubborn, so that can work to my advantage!!! Happy New year! And when I say Happy, that's what it will be!!