New year, new beginings!

So its officially halfway through the first month of 2013 and I have yet to set any goals or have any hopes for this new year.  But I have come to realize I am not going to!  I have officially decided to just go with the flow! To just see what life has in store for our family and trust that what ever we do our Heavenly Father will lead us and guide us in the direction he can most use us!  I do want to go ba ck to school! I want to get my degree in psychology and work as a school counselor.  And I would love more than anything to have another child, but ultimately some things are out of my control. So I will face my new year , determined to face what ever comes my way and love every minute of it.  Come what may and love it!!!

Birthday's

So the holidays are over, and my life can resume to its normal, what ever that is.
  But our  celebrations for the season are not quite over yet!
Hannah's birthday is in the next couple of weeks and she is turning eight! i can't believe my little baby is turning eight!  I am going through a whole range of new and weird emotions as her 8th birthday aproaches.  She will be getting baptized! i am so excited for that but soo sad at the same time. Baptism marks a whole new milestone in her life, and it is so exciting, but it also means that my baby is growing up.  She is getting older every day, and i always knew it woud be hard, but i never imagined it would be this hard.  I am so grateful for her, she is an amazing little girl, she is so compassinate and loving, and stubborn(she had no choice in the stubborn part). she accepts any one without question, she is so fun and loves to play. I enjoy every moment i have with her, and i am so blessed and grateful to have her in my life,   I have spent to much time dwelling on what i lack, that i feel i have missed out on not completely seeing the greatest gifts and blessings right in front of my face.  Hannah is one of my greatest gifts and blessings, she teaches me daily that life is to short not to stop and enjoy what is around us, she is quick to smile, and to give a hug, I love her so much i just wish time didn't have to go by so fast! But i vow to take any time and opportunity i am given to play with and spend time with her. she is an amazing person with so much to offer.  I just hope i can be the kind of  mom that she deserves! I love you Hannah! Happy birthday!
                  

The middle of' nowhere!

  So the middle of nowhere has officially taken on a new meaning for me!
We were invited to spend Thanksgiving with some members of our new ward!
 It was a very nice relaxing Thanksgiving, and I had alot of fun getting to know new people.
 But they live in the middle of no where!   They live on a ranch in the middle of Nebraskas rolling hills!  They run a portion of the church's cattle ranches called Rex Ranch!  It took us about an hour to get there from our little portion of nowhere!
  Talking to them and the other ranch formans and there wives that were present at our Thanksgiving feast, I feel very humbled to realize how convieniant life can really be, and how inconvieniant it can be for others!  I was a little concerned when i learned that we would be an hour away from the closest Walmart, but these ladies live 2 1/2 hours from any big towns, including a Walmart!
 But I also realize why they have chosen this solitary life!  It is so much simpilar, it is less crazy, and you are surrounded daily by one of gods greatest creations!  Nature!  it is beautiful out there in its own kind of barren way!  I was also very concerned when we moved here, for the lack of trees! coming from missouri, where there is no lack of trees, to Nebraska where a tumbleweed can blow for hours without finding any obstructions, is really a big deal! But I am learning to see the beauty without the trees!  God truly created beauty in all things , it just takes some time and observation to find that beauty sometimes!  So as I spent a very wonderful thanks giving in the middle of no where, I saw some great beauty out there, and I am very grateful on this Thanksgiving, to be living here, and to have my family with me, and to have wonderful ward members who are kind and generous enough to share their Thankgiving with us!   Happy Thanksgiving!

Moved!

So I did it! I found the motivation and strength from somewhere and we are officially moved! It was a long hard emotionally draining process, that I don't want to ever repeat without my husband again! I would have never made it through this move without the help and support from my parents and siblings! I have an awesome family that I will miss soo much! But I know this is where we are supposed to be! I don't know why we are here, but I learned long ago to never question why The Lord wants you to do something, he has his reasons, just do it and you will find out along the way! So I am here, and I have no idea what direction I need to go with my life now! I am jobless , and tomorrow Hannah starts school here! So I am once again searching for meaning and purpose in my day to day life, and hoping to find it soon! There is only so much I can do in a small apartment in Nebraska! So I am on the hunt! I am praying to find my place and purpose in life before I go crazy! But I guess searching is half the fun!!! Just ever so grateful to be together with my amazing husband once again!

My better half.......

So I should be sleeping, but sleep evades me as my mind won't stop!
Collins left for Nebraska today, I was told the first few days of him being gone would be easiest because it would be like he was only gone a little while, but if this first day is what you call easy, I am throwing in the towel and giving up now. Hannah has never not had her dad at home at night to tell her good night, and he is always there to wake her up in the mornings, it was rough saying goodbye, this will be the toughest month of our marriage yet.
And i never thought about it before, but having him here makes me feel so safe, and so I feel kinda vulnerable with him gone.
You never realize how much you depend on and count on some one till they are not there.
He is my partner, the other half of our team, and it stinks not having him here.
Now if I could only sleep without searching for him in the bed we will be good!
I love my husband and I am grateful for this new job, I am grateful for his sense of adventure, and for him pushing me out of my comfort zone. Just wishing he were here tonight!

Life isn't fair!

"That isn't fair", those where the first words out of my 7 year old's mouth this morning when i told her that one of our dear friends had lost one of her triplets that she is 20 weeks pregnant with.
  I think she voiced what i wanted to say but didn't. So i suggested we kneel and say a prayer for our friend and her husband and 2 other babies, and as we said the prayer, with tears running down both our cheeks, we asked heavenly father to comfort our friends, and to help them get through this.
  After our prayer, i had the opportunity to explain to my daughter that Heavenly Father does things for a reason, and we may never know the reason, but he does, and that is all that matters.
   And then she said, at least we know he is in heaven with his sister, but why do they have to die?
 it turned into a very sweet conversation about how everyone needs a body, and maybe our friends babies where so special that all they needed where bodies and once they got their bodies heavenly father took them home to live with him.  And then she asked, why did our friends have to lose 2 babies? and i told her i am not exactly sure, but Heavenly Father obliviously has a lot of trust in these individuals to give them the opportunity to be parents to 4 of his very special children.  At this point she had stopped crying, and she gave me a hug, and said I love you mommy!
  I am so incredibly sad for my friends, i have no idea what it feels like to lose a child, this is their 2nd in a year and a half, but i know they have taught me so much by watching them go through these incredibly hard trials.  They are amazing individuals, and i have witnessed their great faith and trust in our Heavenly Father and his plan.   I hope and pray that i never have to experience what they have, but if i do, i want to be just like them.  I want the faith of Job. when I grow up I want to be just like them!!!!   And as my 7 year old stated"it isn't fair" but i have come to learn that Life isn't fair, but it is worth every moment of joy or sadness, because everything we go through, "will give thee experience, and  shall be for thy good".   

They finally bloomed!

Three years ago I had the privilege of helping a sister in our ward do some yard work, she was battling cancer and couldn't do it herself. so we were weeding and mowing and cleaning up limbs. And she had a ton of iris's that kept multiplying till they were out of control. So she told me to take some home and plant them!
So i dug up four little small ones and put them in the truck and forgot about them for a week! when i remembered them i hurriedly planted them in the front flower bed and hoped they lived! I watered them occasionally, and when i fertilized the other plants i gave them what was left.
The first summer they grew a little, just six inch green shoots, they added greenery to my flower bed so i didn't worry about them much.
The next summer they grew a little more, maybe a foot tall, i was wondering when they would flower, i was concerned that i had done something wrong, but i was assured that i just needed to wait. I was anxious to see their beautiful flowers, but even more anxious when the beautiful lady that gave them to me, passed away due to her cancer.
This spring the green shoots got much taller, and they where wide and they had multiplied, i had contented myself with the fact that maybe they would never get flowers, but i was going to leave them there because i liked the green leaves of the plants, and they reminded me of sister Waters, and the simple beauty she brought into the lives of many people!
Well today my iris's bloomed! Three years of waiting, and just when i have given up, they bloomed! And they are beautiful white blossoms!
These flowers remind me, as do all things in my life, the same message, Patience! I have a quote on my wall that says "Faith in God includes, Faith in his timing" I live my life by this quote! and as i saw the blooms on my flowers that i had almost given up on i, was reminded that good things come to those who patiently wait! Thank you Sister Waters for the beautiful flowers that remind me of you and gods love!